We have all dreamed of finding the perfect man or woman whom we would happily call a lifetime partner, through thick and thin. Eventually, through constant search and wanting, we would come across the person we would romantically paint as the one destined to be with our lives forever—only to find the idea somewhat out of par to what is ideal.
Ask every married couple about whether or not the “absolute marriage” exists, chances are you would probably be receiving a resounding “no” for an answer. However, for good reason—an impeccable marriage simply does not exist; but a happy marriage does.
The idea of binding two unique individuals for life is a recipe that is itself fraught with many problems, which fundamentally makes no perfect marriage.
But who says that a life-long commitment had to be splendid to be enjoyed by a couple whose ultimate goal is simply to spend the rest of their lives with each other’s company, all while retaining a sense of joy along the way?
A splendid marriage may not exist, but a jubilant marriage, if attained, is more than enough for any loving couple. Yet, for this kind of marriage to take place, they must take necessary compromises towards that goal.
1. Accepting the Fact About Marriage “As Is”
The sooner a married couple realized that an epitomized marriage simply does not exist, the earlier that both individuals are able to set their expectations to what is real. While, sure, most marriages are at their sweetest at the start and even lasting for years, having a lifetime commitment with a partner is not all bliss and comfort. Like all marriages, this degree of experience also wanes over time, possibly due to the dynamics of life itself.
The earlier the wedded individuals have set their minds in the reality that is inherent in their chosen endeavor, the faster they could prepare themselves about facing disappoints and, in essence, learn to appreciate the good things that come their way. Without this level of understanding, a happy marriage—which itself remains replete with problems it must face—is simply impossible.
2. Argument is Part of a Healthy and Joyous Relationship
Many people like to picture a happy relationship as one without any sort of problem and argument. This, too, is as misconceived as our typical notion of the existence of an impeccable marriage. But the reality is, all joyful relationships have actually quality arguments at the core of their strength.
However, this is not to say that all forms of dispute are beneficial in establishing a strong and merry relationship. The act of contention can itself be a make-or-break experience for any relationship and would usually boils down to how the two arguing parties respond to the act.
If there is a kind of argument that works best in any relationship, however, it has got to be one whose goal is to find a common ground for understanding, rather than one winning over the other. As such, happily married individuals would still argue from time to time, but whose outcome is one pointed at reconciliation rather than victory over another’s defeat.
3. You Complete Yourself, Not Your Partner
Another great misconception which people have about marriage is the idea that the couple are made to “complete” each other, as if they are “half” by themselves or are “incomplete.” Metaphorically, the idea may apply; literally, however, this is a belief that only creates a problem in the relationship—specifically, one developing over-dependence on another.
Being able to depend on a partner is one thing about marriage. But even in marriage, there must still be a leeway for personal growth where you could be how you want to be, in as much the same way as your partner would like to grow individually, but not separately. Ultimately, being married to your life partner is not about you being “completed,” basically; rather it’s about you being with someone who will “complement” and be with you throughout the rest of the journey.